Nothing To See Here

Please disperse...
Grand Central Station - Right Aid store - Man Wearing pink tutu and purse

So Embarrassing

Last night at about 11pm while waiting for the downtown subway to take us home from Grand Central, I noticed a black girl, about twenty something years old, running across the platform. I peeked around one of the support columns to watch where she was going and noticed that her pants were all wet. I also notice liquid falling all over the floor as she ran, and she was carrying a red plastic cup. She ducked into an inlet between two columns and I figured that she had just spilled her entire drink all over herself and was embarrassed. But then the liquid kept flowing down the platform into the subway rail. I said to Nick, “I think that woman just peed herself.” She hung back there for a while, and when she came out quickly walking up the stairs I saw that the whole back of her pants were wet too. She clearly pissed herself. And on top of that she was wearing pajama like pants and top so the liquid was very noticeable. Why was she wearing those clothes at 11pm in the first place? And was the red cup full of alcohol or for her to try and pee in? And why was she there peeing in the first place?

Disappearing Into A Pothole

For those of you who have never had the experience of driving in New York City, I present to you a New York City pothole. Just to give you an idea of how big this pothole is, as many others are too, you can see a moving car in the background of the picture. I have seen potholes this size while driving 60 mph on the thruway in New York. I now know why there are so many accidents here.

Once Wasn't Enough

Nick and I had dinner in the Meat Packing District Friday night. We sat outside at a restaurant. In the middle of dinner I watched a guy who was driving a forerunner, back up his car and sideswipe another SUV that was parked on the side of the street. He swiped the side of the car so hard, that he pushed the front of the SUV up in the air and about a half a foot backwards.
The man driving the forerunner then pulled forward, so as to release the SUV back into its original parked position, and walked out of his car to inspect the damage. He then walked into the restaurant in which I’m eating, walked out 1 minute later and got back into his car. He proceeded to back up again, in an attempt to park his car in the space across the street (this was a one-way street), and as soon as his car started moving he slammed on the accelerator, turned his car all the way to the right and smashed in the same car that he just hit two minutes ago. The whole restaurant turned around, as well as everyone else standing about, as the noise was incredibly loud. Six bouncers tending the line at the club behind my restaurant came running out to the accident. It turned out that the SUV this man hit twice happened to belong to one of the bouncers.
I’m not exactly sure if this guy paid off the bouncer or not, because no cops were called, the bouncer drove his car away, the guy’s girlfriend drove away his away, and everybody lived happily ever after.

Is It A Cultural Thing, Or A Stupid Thing?

I took a later train to work one day when I was living in Yonkers. A white man about 50 years old and an Asian woman about 35 years old, sat down across from me. Immediately I noticed the body language was that this man was overbearingly controlling, with an ex-military aura, and the woman did not speak much English at all. I listened to their conversation because he spoke loudly, I’m assuming because he thought by speaking louder she would understand his language better. I gathered from the conversation that they had been on 3 dates. THREE DATES.
All of a sudden I hear, “So, I think it would be a good idea for you to move in with me.”
Her reply: “Mhmm.” (This is her way of semi-agreeing, because one, she can’t speak English, and two, she doesn’t know any better.)
“How much stuff do you have to move?” He asks.
“I have a desk. I have clothes, and some little furniture.”
“Well, I don’t know if you’re going to be able to bring any of that. My place is small, and all of my stuff is staying where it is. So you’ll have to put it in storage or give it away, and just bring some suitcases with your clothes.”
“Mhmm.”
“Are you happy to be moving in with me?” (As he moves closer and closer to her, as though he’s literally breathing down her neck, giving her no option but to say yes.)“Mhmm. But my family won’t allow me.”
“Well, you want to don’t you? I mean, this is what you want.” (He’s now telling her, not asking.) “Your family can’t tell you not to. You’re a grown woman. You can do whatever you want. You go tell you family that you’re an adult, and that you make your own decisions. They can’t stop you!”
“Mhmm. I guess.”
“What do you mean you guess? Of course you can.”
She shyly nods.
It was impossible to not pay attention to their conversation at this point. He cunningly crowded over her as though there was no escape. He just kept talking and talking, and she just sat there, smiled and nodded.
He subtly suggested, “So you go home right now, pack your stuff and you can come back later this week and bring your stuff to my home. You’ll like it there. I will help you unpack.”
“But what if my family doesn’t let me?”
“Then you just tell them you are going anyway.”
I started to become dumbfounded how anyone could be so stupid. I realized that this woman was from a very different culture and that she spoke little English, but even so, how can somebody be so dumb? They had only been on 3 dates! And wait, it gets better. He then asks her, “Do you have an American driver’s license or I.D.? Can I see it? I want to get your address so that I know how to find you if I need to.”
She hands to him her I.D. He takes a look and says, “How do you say your name?”
Wait, let me get this straight. He asked her to move in with him, but he doesn’t know her name?! They start going back and forth saying her name, him pronouncing it incorrectly and her repeating it correctly over and over again.
He then pulls out a notepad from his briefcase, puts his CVS Pharmacy reading glasses on, and begins writing down all the information on her I.D. And she just let him! This woman’s IQ was dropping by the minute.
He finishes writing down all of her personal information, returns her I.D., and stuffs the notepad in his briefcase. The train stops, and of course, he doesn’t let her get up and leave because he just wants to keep talking, even though it’s evident that she does not understand anything he is saying.
I immediately thought if there is a missing Asian woman on tonight’s evening news, I know who did it.

Two Women And A Lady

On the subway ride home today from Coney Island a group of three black people boarded my same subway car. At first I thought they were two women and a man. I did a double take and realized that the man was actually a woman. He was, I mean she was dressed and looked exactly like a thug man. His, I mean her girlfriend looked like a normal woman. Their other girlfriend who sat across from her two friends in the subway car was wearing a blue summer dress. I watched out of the corner of my eye as this woman started adjusting her boobs in her bikini top underneath her dress. Only then to witness this woman pull out her left boob out of her bikini top and dress and look down at it as she grabbed it, only to realize she was actually a man in the midst of becoming a woman. I saw his real boobs. So there was one real she, there was the he that was actually a she, and a she that was actually a he, and I saw her, I mean his, I mean her boobs.

Cast This Man

This poster was put up on the side of a bus stop station near my apartment.

I Know This Is Mean, But...

When a man walks off the subway wearing this...
How can I not take a picture?

It’s So Easy To Get Taken

About 4 week ago Nick and I were stepping off a subway, coming home from a night out. An older, somewhat retarded man, blind man standing with a blind person’s walking stick was yelling out, “Can somebody help me? Can somebody help me? I don’t know where I’m going, and I can’t see!” So I walked up to him and said, “Here you go, grab my arm, I’ll walk out with you.” He grabs my arm, and slowly walks up the stairs and out of the subway station. Nick followed behind as I walked with the man. I then said, “Ok, well you’re out, so we have to go now.” The man replies, “Can you show me where I can get something to eat, I can’t see, and I want to get food.” It was 11pm. Not many fast food joints were open. So we kept walking. As we’re walking he tells me he lives in a halfway home where they don’t feed him. He then stops in front of a pizza parlor and says, “What’s this?” I explained to him it was a pizza parlor and asked him if he wanted to stop in there to eat. He says, “I guess so. Do you have any money?” Nick gave him seven dollars and said that should be enough. The man says thank you and walks in. Nick and I proceed home and I tell him, “Well, either we just did a really good thing for a man in need, or we just got taken by a blind man who was able to pick out a pizza parlor without my assistance.”
A few nights ago Nick and I were walking home and I saw the same man holding onto somebody else’s arm, walking in the same direction. Sucker.

Santa Likes His Liquor

In the month of December, NYC has SantaCon where thousands of people dress up as Santa Clause, Mrs. Clause or Santa’s Elves. The idea is to take over streets and bars with as many Santas as will fit, while drinking as much as you can. This past year many gathered together in the middle of Washington Square Park, singing and dancing, drinking and smoking; yes, the good stuff.
Sometimes Santa can handle his liquor.
Sometimes Santa can’t.