I Need A Job

I need a job, I’ll list my skills
I worked on a trading floor, And popped anxiety pills
I learned how to yell, I learned how to curse
I’m faster than you, I’ll hit that trade first
You won’t find me sitting, You won’t find me peeing
As soon as I get to work, I dream about leaving
I can’t comingle funds, I cannot give a loan
But I’ll spit out my food, To answer the phone
I can lose a quick million, With the hit of a button
I can lose all my patience, All of a sudden
I can come into work, After a night of being stoned
I steal other’s ideas, And sell them as my own
I’m skilled at lying, And bullshitting my way
One minute you love me, Then hate me the next day
I’m greedy and dishonest, I’m in it only for me
I’ll kiss your ass, But you’ll pay, you’ll see
I’ll tell you to fuck off, Or to go fuck yourself
I’m not fucking Santa, Nor one of his elves
If I need money, It’s buy, buy, buy
My commission rate, Runs to the sky
If I need more, It’s sell, sell, sell
I live for the trade, And I live in hell
I hate my job, I really do
So I change my mind, I want nothing from you
I don’t want a job, I don’t want your money
I’m tired of being harassed, I’m not your fucking honey
I’m not your God damn trophy, So take it off your shelf
Why don’t you go and play, Hide and go fuck yourself